XXXX Publications invites you to the launch of its brand spanking new television channel CHANNEL PHWOAARRR! (Sky 69, Freeview 069, Virgin 0069). This is a bold new venture combining the best of family broadcasting with an adult feel. Mingle with the stars at our gala evening where you can sample some of our up and ‘coming’ programmes:
Enemadale
Life amongst the countryfolk is never dull as they try out a range of enemas to comic and tragic effect! Stand well back in your Barbour and wellies as effluent-drenched locals run riot in the quiet country lanes. A breath of Yorkshire fresh air!
Towering Cock of Commons
Enjoy the spectacle of toffee-nosed MPs cut down to size in this sizzling contest. Those parliamentary perverts get naked and compare the size of their manhood in the sumptuous settings of their gentlemen’s club. Red faced or oh-so blue? You, the public decide in this vote for democracy!
UK Bedroom Patrol
Constantly vigilant and ready to probe any breach of boarder security, The lads of the Bedroom Patrol never sleep. From back passage shenanigans to intra-continental orgies, they are ready and willing to lay down the law. Make sure your particulars don’t get taken down!
Inspector Coarse
Our foul-mouthed detective tackles crime amongst Oxford’s dreaming spires. Chief Inspector Coarse turns the air Oxford ‘blue’ as he offends dons, townies and students alike with his tasteless jokes, near-the-knuckle remarks and politically inappropriate jests. See trusty side-kick Lewis cover his ears in disbelief and attempt to undo the damage to the force’s reputation.
Cocks and Throbbers
The crooks and criminals of Britain’s crime hotspots don’t stand a chance against the elite force of the Special Cock patrol. Naked from the waist up, and loins clad in skin tight lycra to display their fearsome assets, they display zero tolerance for naughty boys and girls who don’t obey the law!
Squeal or no Squeal
Noel Edmonds the inimitable host of this dirty quiz game. Take part for your chance to win a life-changing sum of money by letting a lively panel grope your private bits. On the other hand, risk going home with 10p, a shattered reputation and a colourful array of bruises.
Couch Trip
Travel through Europe, bedroom style as Brendan ‘Big Boy’ Shoveitin interviews the willing hopefuls who queue in their thousands to compete for a trip of a lifetime by taking part in the ultimate couch tests. Only the hot and horny make it onto the luxury love bus!
The Vanessa Felch Show
The queen of chat, ITV’s first lady of glamour hosts this down and dirty live extravaganza. Our plus sized princess fills the studio with lower-income bracket guest from Swindon, Hull and other UK hotspots. With little in the way of encouragement they strip naked in this chav-fest of fornicating fun!
Extreme Fisting with Robson Green
Come hell or high water, Robson travels the length and breadth of foreign lands to bring you the best fisting action from around the world. Join him on a rip roaring journey. Not just near the knuckle – well past the knuckle!
Restrictly Come Dancing
One for BDSM afficionadoes! World class celebs put their best put forward despite all the odds. Fancy footwork is never easy at the best of times: when sporting a full body rubber cocoon and heavily tethered it’s near impossible. David Blaine the unlikely star of this nightly show.
The Antiques Grope Show
‘If it’s old it’s worth a feel’ is the motto of this lively show celebrating pensioner pussy power. Watch top notch experts as they grapple with brass knockers and antique pistols. Expect some surprises as guests learn the true value of their antiquarian assets.
A Pain in the Bum
Judith Chalmers makes a welcome return to your screens in this very special series. Donning hospital whites and sporting a largely unnecessary surgical mask and latex gloves, she investigates the unseen world of hospital admissions. Marvel at real life tales of inanimate objects forced up the back passage.
Enemadale
Life amongst the countryfolk is never dull as they try out a range of enemas to comic and tragic effect! Stand well back in your Barbour and wellies as effluent-drenched locals run riot in the quiet country lanes. A breath of Yorkshire fresh air!
Towering Cock of Commons
Enjoy the spectacle of toffee-nosed MPs cut down to size in this sizzling contest. Those parliamentary perverts get naked and compare the size of their manhood in the sumptuous settings of their gentlemen’s club. Red faced or oh-so blue? You, the public decide in this vote for democracy!
UK Bedroom Patrol
Constantly vigilant and ready to probe any breach of boarder security, The lads of the Bedroom Patrol never sleep. From back passage shenanigans to intra-continental orgies, they are ready and willing to lay down the law. Make sure your particulars don’t get taken down!
Inspector Coarse
Our foul-mouthed detective tackles crime amongst Oxford’s dreaming spires. Chief Inspector Coarse turns the air Oxford ‘blue’ as he offends dons, townies and students alike with his tasteless jokes, near-the-knuckle remarks and politically inappropriate jests. See trusty side-kick Lewis cover his ears in disbelief and attempt to undo the damage to the force’s reputation.
Cocks and Throbbers
The crooks and criminals of Britain’s crime hotspots don’t stand a chance against the elite force of the Special Cock patrol. Naked from the waist up, and loins clad in skin tight lycra to display their fearsome assets, they display zero tolerance for naughty boys and girls who don’t obey the law!
Squeal or no Squeal
Noel Edmonds the inimitable host of this dirty quiz game. Take part for your chance to win a life-changing sum of money by letting a lively panel grope your private bits. On the other hand, risk going home with 10p, a shattered reputation and a colourful array of bruises.
Couch Trip
Travel through Europe, bedroom style as Brendan ‘Big Boy’ Shoveitin interviews the willing hopefuls who queue in their thousands to compete for a trip of a lifetime by taking part in the ultimate couch tests. Only the hot and horny make it onto the luxury love bus!
The Vanessa Felch Show
The queen of chat, ITV’s first lady of glamour hosts this down and dirty live extravaganza. Our plus sized princess fills the studio with lower-income bracket guest from Swindon, Hull and other UK hotspots. With little in the way of encouragement they strip naked in this chav-fest of fornicating fun!
Extreme Fisting with Robson Green
Come hell or high water, Robson travels the length and breadth of foreign lands to bring you the best fisting action from around the world. Join him on a rip roaring journey. Not just near the knuckle – well past the knuckle!
Restrictly Come Dancing
One for BDSM afficionadoes! World class celebs put their best put forward despite all the odds. Fancy footwork is never easy at the best of times: when sporting a full body rubber cocoon and heavily tethered it’s near impossible. David Blaine the unlikely star of this nightly show.
The Antiques Grope Show
‘If it’s old it’s worth a feel’ is the motto of this lively show celebrating pensioner pussy power. Watch top notch experts as they grapple with brass knockers and antique pistols. Expect some surprises as guests learn the true value of their antiquarian assets.
A Pain in the Bum
Judith Chalmers makes a welcome return to your screens in this very special series. Donning hospital whites and sporting a largely unnecessary surgical mask and latex gloves, she investigates the unseen world of hospital admissions. Marvel at real life tales of inanimate objects forced up the back passage.
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